pain sucks... modern medicine sucks more...

really, it sucks... here's my meaningless complaint about it... see the italics below for the really ridiculous reason drugs are illegal and so easy to get...

mine is not to know just why, mine is just to feel this pain increasing daily to a point where i caved into my resistance to using drugs (mostly because the drugs i would choose are not what the medical profession offers and i believe the drugs the medical profession offers are usually not good for my body... like the hydrocodone with acetaminophen this woman (receptionist, perhaps nurse, but i doubt it) called into a pharmacy on the authorization of a physician's assistant who misread my xrays and didn't really examine my foot, which, as i've been reading, is par for the course for ankle injuries... i will call the doctor's office and ask to move my two-week follow-up appointment up a week on monday...

maybe taking four 325mg aspirins masked the pain (one reason i do not like )so well i did not take it seriously enough to insist on seeing a doctor right away cuz i was basically putting pressure on the heel in and out of the boot and gently manipulating the ankle and foot to reduce swelling, increase circulation, and expedite healing on my own since the pa said nothing was seriously wrong and i should start moving and walking on it when i could without pain...

yesterday around noon i stopped the aspirins mostly because nsaids raise blood pressure and because i started feeling the slight burn in my stomach that can be a sign of bleeding from too much aspirin... by yesterday evening the foot was more painful than it has been since the first twist/break and it's been getting progressively worse... so i called for meds and my roommate was able to pick up hyrocodone, only the most abused narcotic in this country, without me even being there... 30 tabs, $5, by phone, by proxy...

it could have been make-up on my foot... modern medicine, it's all about the money... of course they sold me a $150+ boot and would have sold me crutches if i didn't walk in on a borrowed pair... no real examination, just given me money and here is stuff and pills...

i took one three hours ago... minimal effect... script says every 4-6 hours... i will take another one in a few... the problem is it is combined with acetaminophen and contrary to modern pop-medical opinions and commercial sales pitches, that is not good for the liver or kidneys and i do not have the best liver or kidneys... so i am forced to take a medication i do not want or take no medication, at least until i see the doctor... hopefully the pain will not continue getting worse... as if i did not know, but next time, no getting triaged, i ask for a doctor and get a doctor... i was just hoping it was not serious and maybe it isn't but this pain is...

sometimes it's personal

dozens of little complaints missed their chance to have their fifteen minutes of vent here over the past year simply cuz i have not had the time and don't keep track and let things go in the blink of an eye and don't take complaints seriously anyway, just like to vent the frustration rather than distract, when there is time... so today i have a vent about personal writing...

not so much personal life, cuz i have a roommate who takes care of me when i need help (and vice versa) and people around i can count on if i need something and i also have lots of social friends for sports and games and lots of activities, though a few (music, movies, shows, photography, all the expensive fun) i only get to do if i pay for whomever i go with), the missing piece is that i do not have anyone close personal and intimate to really show interest in me (like a best friend relationship or a relationship), but still and all, personal life is as busy as i want it to be...

here on the internet, however, in the written gardens, in the many blogs i update regularly, even on the social networks where i have many people on my friends list, there is a void, little or no actual interaction, no one has the time or interest to read and share the words...

there's a grumble, cuz i love sharing words... not just cuz i love attention and recognition and praise and even some critique (or there's something more than just critique cuz critique alone has suspect meaning for me, i mean, why critique if you don't care to find something positive to say as well... i am much more interested in focusing on the positive), but also cuz i love literary interaction, writing letters and sharing in words, especially when someone actually cares to read, understand, and share the meanings in the words...

nobody really wants to know me anymore...

maybe tomorrow :}

pain in the neck, but that's beside the point

yeah, i have a pain in the neck and it's nagging and getting worse over time, but what i really came here to complain about is you, that is, people in general... people are so pathetically stupid... and maybe it's just time passing in this life (getting old?) but i have less and less patience for people with each passing year... it took me many years to fit in (and i don't really, but i definitely do many stupid things regularly and often just like most people)... it's the daily choice to commit suicide in little actions, poisons, laziness, ignoring obvious dangers, cruelty, and becoming so insensitive you don't know when you are being insensitive, which is just about all the time... yes, that's just about all people and sadly i can now include myself...

i am most disappointing in younger people... i thought that even as one generation grew older and stupider, younger generations would not buy into the conformity of insensitivity and suicidal behaviors and might find hope for life, but more and more i see kids buying into the death traps of modern humanity... whatever happened to the hippie mentality?... not that hi[ppies were all that smart, but the hope of living in a loving world where people could learn to not grow insensitive and suicidal, where did that hope and mindset go?...

it sure wasn't passed on to subsequent generations...

so sad...

wish people

i wish people were more honest, open, reliable, believable, and real... i wish people kept their word, followed through on promises, and actualized the ideals of loyalty, integrity, devotion, faith, and trust seriously in the real world, with each other, and not just in a delusional bond with imaginary beings... i wish people understood the power of hope, the strength of being true to self and one's own ideals... i wish people knew the power of wishes, especially when we can make wishes come true...

i wish there were more wish people in my daily life...

people are so frustrating

especially friends who just disappear or simply stop communicating, even if it's just for a few days it is so frustrating, for me, at least, because i live in the moment and know any moment could be an eternity or the last moment i breath in this body and a few days could be how long it takes for someone to find my corpse if i died, especially over a weekend...

that is one reason the appeal of a compatible roommate appeals just a teeny bit more than the appeal of living alone, but it is not usually enough of a reason... helping or falling in love push the decision forward... i miss falling in love... so much...

but people are so frustrating also because they are so fear-driven and fear repels true love and i am made of true love, so do the math... it is a very lonely journey for one who is made of true love in this fear-based culture... i'd complain about loneliness, but that would be too meaningless even for this blog...

loneliness is another reason the appeal of a compatible roommate appeals just a teeny bit more than the appeal of privacy, but it is not usually enough of a reason... helping or falling in love push the decision forward... i miss falling in love... so much...

pretty weak complaint, huh?...